Margaret’s Memoirs: “Escape from the Desert,” Summer of 1873
Fear is my cruel companion. It’s the driving force that can either move you or paralyze you. Here I stand, lost in the middle of the desert, stripped of all my possessions and my dignity, which wasn’t much to begin with. All I have left is fear. It never leaves me and at the same time pursues me like a hungry mountain lion, waiting for the kill. I must not stumble or fall, because if I do, I will become prey for it.
Rationally, I know that there is no mountain lion, only bad memories, or to be exact, nightmares, the kind where you know that if you don’t wake up soon, you will meet a terrible end. The irony or the sad part of this is that the nightmares were real for me. They are memories of a past that will forever haunt me. If only I could find relief from this specter that has such a strong hold on my mind and gives me no rest. (“Her Treasures: A Life Brand New” page 15)
This passage from “Margaret’s Memoirs” doesn’t tell us specifically from what or whom Margaret was running, but there is no doubt, she was in great fear.
[Question] If this was your story, from what fear might you be running?
Margaret described her fear as being cruel, a paralyzing force, like being pursued by a hungry mountain lion, haunting, and as having a strong hold on her mind.
[Question] How have you been affected either emotionally, physically and spiritually by this fear with which you are presently dealing?
How has this fear taken hold of your mind and become a “Goliath” in your life?
We are smart women, right? According to 2 Timothy 1:7, we know that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.” We know that it doesn’t help to worry, but we do, even though God calls us to be brave and courageous. We think to ourselves, “I ought to be able to overcome this “Goliath;” Oh, how I wish I could be…Fearless.
In my mind, there is nothing more fearless than the King of the Beasts, the great and powerful lion. I still have images of Aslan, the great lion from the Narnia stories by C. S. Lewis. Do you remember the final battle scene from “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” when it appeared that the evil witch was going to destroy the inhabitants of Narnia and bring the kingdom under her control? But at the last minute, Aslan comes back to life and defeats his enemy by the sheer power of his roar.
That’s what I need, a lion to fight for me; not one that strikes fear into my heart, but one who looks fear right in the face and Roars.
[Question] How do you think the lion has earned the title of being the “King of the Beasts?”
In the book of Revelations, Jesus is revealed as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords---as a lion who is majestic, fierce in love, and worthy to be called king. He is fearless. I see him as strong and brave but also kind and merciful. He is both the lion and the lamb. He is everything we need, when we need it.
I have never considered myself to be a brave person, although God reassures me that I can be brave; maybe not in my own power, but with his mighty power working in me. You see, I have been in a battle for the past 6 months, and I have felt beaten down and hopeless. At the end of October, I had a pretty, serious fall. I fell in my kitchen, of all places, while cooking dinner and broke both my hip and my arm all on the left side of my body. I ended up having a hip replacement and needed to immobilize my arm in order for it to heal. (Just as a sidebar…when your husband says to you, “Honey, why don’t we go out to dinner tonight,” take him up on his offer.)
About a month after the surgery, I was getting around pretty, well and feeling so proud of myself, but then “Miss Clumsy” here, fell again. This time I pulled and tore some muscles in that same leg. The recovery from the second fall really set me back both physically and emotionally. You see, in typical, Type A fashion, “I had things to do, places to go and people to see.” Right? Don’t we all? But this thing, this injury, this fear of falling again, has become a real “Goliath” in my life. But truthfully, if I am honest with myself, I have allowed it to become one. Overcoming this fear has been one of the hardest things with which I have had to deal. Fear had dragged me to a place where I could not break away from its grip.
When I pray, I sense God is telling me to trust him in all of this. I know without a doubt that he loves me and that “perfect love casts out all fear.” (1 John 4:18) Because he is always with me, his Holy Spirit residing in me will motivate me to rise up and follow him as he leads me out of fear and into courage. God in his graciousness kept saying to me that I have the heart of a lion and I would then picture myself walking away from my fear with my hand resting peacefully on the back of a great and powerful lion. As I looked to him for strength, knowing that he was there to fight my battles, these words, his words, became the power I needed to press on. So, ladies, I have no idea what kind of battles you are fighting today…shame, rejection, depression, an addiction, an illness, a death, whatever it may be, feel free to borrow these words that he gave to me and make them your own; they might help.
Hear the Lion Roar…
My daughter,
Stand still.
Let me calm your fears.
Listen to the song that I am singing over you.
I summon you by name; you are mine.
Lay your burden on me.
I am with you wherever you go.
I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
My grace is sufficient for you, and my power is made perfect in your weakness.
I can do immeasurably more that all you can imagine
according to my power that is at work within you.
You can trust in me always,
Because I am the Lion of Judah,
And I have a fierce love for you.
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