I’ll bet that each one of us could name a woman who just oozes confidence and beauty.
We wonder…
Does she ever lose her cool or utter a bad word?
Does she ever yell at her kids?
Has she ever had a zit or a bad hair day?
It must be nice, right; but how does that woman really feel about herself? Truthfully, looks can be deceiving; someone could be smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. We all have felt that way at some time and have become masters of putting on masks that hide our true feelings.
I read somewhere that even seemingly competent women may still deal with insecurity. Even though this may not be obvious to them, they might actually believe condemning words that were said to them or about them in the past that may not have even been true in the beginning. And if these lies are not replaced with truth, these women can become ruled by their fears and develop false-identities.
In the stories that follow, you will hear, in their own words. how shame and fear ruled the lives of these precious women in very different ways. There is something missing from their lives; they are hiding behind “Aprons of Shame.”
“My name is Patty. I am wearing an apron that I ordered from a famous designer in New York. My parents were both attorneys and had always had expectations for me to go into that profession, therefore, I went to law school and graduated 3rd in my class. I take pride in this, because believe me, it was not easy. All of those late nights of studying really paid off. I was recruited right out of college to work at a prestigious firm, and have been there for 20 years. Everyone, who is anyone, knows my name and reputation. I earn a six-figure, annual salary, drive a brand-new Mercedes, and live in a gated community. I sit on several, nonprofit boards and am very active at my church. I work out at the gym at least three times a week; it’s important that I stay fit and always dress to impress. My husband is a very busy divorce attorney. We are “ships that pass in the night,” but in spite of that, we appear to have the perfect marriage… Not! We never had time to have children. I have trouble sleeping most nights, because I worry about all the things that I have to accomplish on the next day. Truly, I have everything that my heart desires, but I feel so tired and empty. Something is missing from my life.”
Patty will tell you that she is the classic perfectionist. She is obsessed with being the best that she can be and has bought into the lie that God will not be satisfied with her unless she does everything humanly possible to be perfect. Upon hearing her story, you might not realize that Patty is a child of God, but she is still living a life of shame. She has an intense fear of failure and climbs an imaginary ladder to success only to find that the higher she climbs the further away from happiness she goes. She has set up expectations for herself that are impossible to reach.
“My name is Violet. I am wearing an apron that has a spring floral print. I spend a lot of time in my garden. It is my sanctuary, a place where I feel safe and can isolate myself from other people who are always judging me. Because I am pretty plain and don’t give a whit about fashion, the women at church think I am pretty weird. It is obvious that they gossip about me, because I see their snickers and disapproving looks when they talk about me behind my back. I am living that dream of waking up and finding myself naked and everyone is laughing their heads off. When I was in elementary school, I overheard one of my teachers say that I didn’t have much potential and probably wouldn’t amount to much unless I started applying myself. No one ever believed in me. I never tried out for any sport or joined any groups because of my insecurities; I mean, why try when I always fail? Something is missing from my life.”
Violet is the classic “shrinking Violet,” full of insecurity. She has such a fear of rejection that she has isolated herself from any meaningful relationship. She is so dissatisfied with herself that she has given up any hope of ever having a happy life. Living in fear and in isolation has become her “new normal.”
“One of the ways that we try to cope with the dissatisfaction that we feel about ourselves is to hide behind masks. We believe that if we can look or act contrary to who we really are that we would be more acceptable and therefore, happier. Two of the most common masks that women wear are masks of perfectionism and masks of insecurity. We may not even be aware that we are wearing masks of this nature. We have become comfortable with them and have allowed them to form false-identities for ourselves. The flesh programs us with ideas that have been the most effective with us in the past. Quite often these ideas come in the form of pride causing us to doubt our significance and to live soulishly.” (Her Treasures: A Life Brand New, page 123)
I heard somewhere that women spend way too much time checking out their backsides. Now you can take that literally, because it’s true; but there is a much deeper issue here, and we all fall prey to it. I’m talking about the “flesh.” Perfectionism and insecurity are classic manifestations of the flesh and are based on fear.
“The media glorifies the flesh. The flesh refers to more than just our external appearance and the physical allure and desires of the body. The flesh is a way of thinking and a way of gaining meaning and status that stands in opposition to the word of God and his good opinion of you. You see, the flesh sells, but it is a trap used by the enemy to enslave us to our feelings and wrong beliefs. He uses the power of suggestion to tempt us into believing that something other than God will bring us true satisfaction and fulfill all our dreams. (Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?) These suggestions appeal so strongly to our soul that they can actually set up as a stronghold in our minds and become an addiction if we are not careful. We are constantly battling to believe that we are okay, that we’re good enough, and that we are of some value in the world.” (Her Treasures: A Life Brand New, page 76.)
Your dreams, your gifts and your talents are all God given. They are part of what makes you uniquely you. It gave Him pleasure to give you these things, and he trusts you to use them for the benefit of others and to glorify him. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing your best work as with Patty or to guarding your heart from unkind people as with Violet. God’s word actually encourages both of these, but let’s not go overboard, ladies. As a child of God, you realize that we are not to put our confidence in our accomplishments or to allow them to rule our lives. We are taught that we should put our confidence in the Lord. He is the anchor for our souls. We need to switch our brains from trying to please God into trusting God. You see, God in his grace did so much more than save us from our sins; he gave us new life and is continually working in us teaching us to live godly and satisfying lives. (Titus 2)
Go ahead, as an act of your will, relinquish the control that you think you have over your life. Be brave; take off the aprons that bind you. Don’t be afraid; he’s got you. You are safe in his arms; you can trust him. You can live an abundant life without fear of rejection or failure. Neither fear can stop the Holy Spirit from doing his work. He powers through our failures by lavishing us with his love. Child of God, you are not a failure; you are a masterpiece. This is who you are, and he hasn’t changed his opinion of you. His opinion of you is the only opinion that should matter to you, and he is pleased with you. He thinks you are amazing!
I think that I will leave you with a question for you to consider… “How would your life change if you truly believed that God is satisfied with you regardless of your behavior or what you think about yourself? (More stories to come.)
Comments